It's Okay To Be Away...

When I Fly Away,
It Won't Bother Me,
Because Going Away,
Means Coming Back To You....

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Within My Mind...

I have my best thoughts when I'm alone. Real epiphanies.
I usually forget them by the time someone comes around.
Which makes me think...maybe they are like trees that fall in the woods when no one is around, because life goes on as if they never really happened at all.
If you don't remember it, how can it change your life?

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Hush

It's not that I have nothing to say. I just don't have anything I want to say. That's an entirely different thing.

Some things are better left unsaid. Some things are better experiences than stories. One day I'll tell you my story and maybe you'll wish you were there. Or maybe you are here, unknowingly, and when the story is told you'll wonder where you've been.

Regardless, this is my story. When I'm ready and the chapter is done, maybe I'll tell you all about it.

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Today I Learned...

Today I learned that you are never alone and somewhere, at some time, someone else has gone through what you are going through.

Lean on your friends for all the insight and advice they can give on the darkest and brightest days...

Today I Learned...

This morning I opened the elevator to discover a man who had been trapped in there for 30 minutes.

Today I learned that the 7th floor really isn't that many flights of stairs.

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Today I Learned...

Today I learned that a banana is actually a berry.  Strawberries, Blackberries and Raspberries are not berries, they are fruits.  Cucumbers, squash, tomatoes, green beans are fruits, not vegetables.  Actually, I knew about the tomatoes already, but someone should let the Grocer know he's got it all wrong!

Back to the Banana's though, I also learned the following:

1. The Cavendish is the kind of Banana found in grocery stores.
2. The Gros Michel was the original Banana of choice until it was almost wiped out completely by a fungus.
3. All bananas are genetically identical.  Perfect clones, but susceptible to disease.
4. There are over 1,000 varieties of Bananas in the world but very few are palatable.  When the Gros Michel was almost wiped out, the Cavendish was a perfect substitute.  There is not substitute for the Cavendish.
5. A cluster of bananas is called a hand, and a single banana is called a finger.
6. Bananas are naturally radioactive due to the Potassium 40 they contain.
7. Over 100 Billion bananas are consumed annually.

There were some additional points, but these ones seemed the most interesting to me.

Today I Learned...

Today I learned that even on the dreariest of days, all it takes is a few good friends to turn it all around. The food and Vodka might have helped, but I'll credit the girls. You should never be too tired or busy to celebrate a friend, birthday or not!

Sitting in Gastown, enjoying my Friday...it doesn't get much better than this. The week is over, the office is closed and my glass is half full, not half empty. Sign me up for a refill....it's time to dance.

I might have had a few at this point...

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Today I Learned...

Today I learned that the end of summer brings the end of baseball, the closing of patios and the beginning of the school year.  It also brings fall.  Autumn in Vancouver can be beautiful.  Everything looks refreshed.  Grass turns green again, the smoldering heat is gone and the leaves slowly start to change. 

But the down side to all this beauty is the rain.  By the end of October, we've long forgotten the long sunny days and glorious sunshine and have become re-accustomed to short days with dreary skies. It's really the first big rain of the season that kills me.  Once the clouds set in and the first few drops hit the ground, every driver in Vancouver suddenly forgets the rules of the road and absolute mayhem breaks out all over the Lower Mainland, gridlock ensues.  What used to be a 30 minute drive become a 45 minute commute and god help you if you have to go to the bathroom.  People drive slow when they don't need to and speed when they shouldn't.  It always seems like the busiest time of year for accidents, inconvenient construction (or deconstruction) and stupid people.  Believe me, they are all over the place!  Oh how I long for November....

All things considered, none of it is as bad as the first snowfall of the year.  That causes mass panic for those not even on the road....

Today I Learned...

Today I learned that all referees are not jerks, some of them are actually on your side. The real jerks are the bullies on the ice that target the smallest players on the other team and take them out.

Two games back to back tonight.  I am exhausted but looking forward to tomorrow because then it's only one more day until Friday.

Today I Learned...

Today I learned that it's almost impossible to get out of Costco under $200.  There is always one more thing that you need, will make the perfect gift for someone, or would be good to have just in case.  And of course, you can never have too much dish soap...

Today I Learned...

Sometimes, when it feels like one of those days that will be a mistake, Mother Nature gets on your side and brings you brilliant sunshine and calm waters.

Today I Learned...

Today I learned that you can forgive if what's at stake means enough to you. Things can be good again, but I don't know if they will ever be the same.

I also don't know about forgetting yet. Maybe that takes longer....or Alzheimer's.

Falling Apart...

Love...

That Was An Elbow In My Back...

I was recently in Thailand for work. Seriously, my job may not be the greatest, but I can't complain about the travel perks...

The group of us decided to go to a spa on the first day for a 90 minute massage. Things I've learned about a massage Thailand:

1. The price is fantastic, even in the fancier places.
2. Yes, it's normal for the masseuse to climb onto the table and straddle you.
   
3. A 80lb Thai woman can apply what seems to be 300lbs of pressure on your back.
4. Medium pressure is way harder than you think.
5. Even if you let them know it's too much pressure, they don't care.
   
6. You can never have too much work done on your feet.
7. I don't really like have my temples massaged...at all.
8. The anticipation of hot oil is worse than the hot oil itself.
   
9. 90 minutes is much longer than you think, especially when you're in pain.
10. Yes, that is an elbow being dug into your shoulder blade and no, it's not over yet.

Definitely an experience to be had, but next time I'm checking the box that says light pressure.

~Bean

And Suddenly It's Fall Again...

Last spring I got rid of my truck and now own my first car.....

Now that Fall has arrived, I miss my rear window wiper more than anything....


~Bean

Amazing deals...

I love Groupon. It makes me buy things I didn't know I wanted or needed, simply because it's such a good deal.

http://www.groupon.com/

Check it out.....sign up and just wait for the deals to roll in!

"Loneliness does not come from being alone, but from being unable to communicate the things that seem important."

~ Carl Jung

It All Happened So Fast...

It's my mother's birthday today.
She's 60 years young.
I am 30 years old.

I am the exact same age she was when I was born.Turning 30 didn't make me feel old. My mother turning 60 did. I guess 'old' isn't the right word. I think it made me feel like I fell off my life plan. Knowing where she was at this time in her life and comparing that to where I am, I feel a little bit behind. And by a little bit, I mean a lot. At 30 years old, my mother was married, had 2 children, owned a house, had a career, a dog and a cat. She was with the man of her dreams and now that I had come along, she also had the child of her dreams. =) From what I understand, she didn't have the dog of her dreams, but life ain't perfect.

Me: Not married (single, in fact), no kids, I don't own a house and I don't have a dog or cat. I live with a dog and a cat, but they aren't mine. I own a car, I have a career and that's about where the similarities end. So now you can see where I feel little bit behind. I wonder where all the time went and how long have I been aimless floating through time. I think everyone gets lost at some point, it just takes some of us a little longer to be found. I don't know if I am found yet, but this sudden realization is certainly encouragement to hurry up and get found. We'll see how that works out.

On a happier note, I was searching for a special 60th birthday gift and kept coming across really strange ones. People have weird ideas around the word "special".

Here are a few of my favourites:
First item was this lovely door ornament. You lay it across the bottom of the door to keep out draughts. I'm guessing this appeals to old people as they are always concerned about draughts. I also learned that "draught" is the proper spelling, not 'draft'. I mostly included this piece as one of my favourites because it was educational and weird.


Next was a set of "Wobbly Wine Glasses". Correct me if I'm wrong, but don't people generally steer clear of 'wobbly' stemware? I would think it would be one of the last things you would want to have off balance and full of red wine. I think these all failed quality control as normal wine glasses and now the company has found a way to market them as novelty stemware. I applaud their efforts.

Last, but not least....quite possibly the best gift on the website...The Singing Bird Clock. Mother, if you are reading this, you almost got this as your present. Just imagine it, a bird chirping, in your kitchen, every 15 minutes. I was curious about the choice of bird used....was it a chickadee? a finch? perhaps a crow? One could only be so lucky to receive such a wonderful gift...

Then I remembered that I already bought her a gift when I was in Hong Kong last.....maybe for Christmas, Mom...

~Bean

Breaking Into Summer and Vodka...

Even I will admit how late this post is. What can I say? I'm a busy person. Just ask all the people who try and make plans with me....it's next to impossible...

So I started the summer with a camping trip. For those of you who know me, camping has never been at the top of my list of fun things to do. In all honesty, it's never even made the list. Whenever I think of camping, I imagine how unpleasant it would be, no electricity, flushing toilets, comfy beds and the bugs. And then, of course, there's the Blair Witch. Nobody wants to run into that in the middle of the night.

I had been asked to join a friend and her family on their annual vacation to Ross Lake. After much debate, I decided to take the plunge and go. What's the worse that could happen? The lake runs across the BC/Washington border, somewhere around Hope. We were planning on fishing, so I had to buy two licenses, 1 for the US and 1 for Canada. While I may seem cheap in other aspects of life, I will always spend money on fishing licenses. =)

We drove up on a Wednesday night after work. I actually missed a hockey game, but I got over it. It took us about 3 hours to get there, the last part of the drive was along a gravel road. The more I hang out with Helen, the more interesting things I learn about her. At this time, I learned that she has almost no fear behind the wheel and thinks that 85km/hr on loose gravel is slow. Surprisingly, we made it there unscathed...

The first night was pretty mellow, dinner, drinks and campfires. Seeing as I was a bit apprehensive still about this whole camping thing, I decided to sleep in the car. At the very least that would protect me from bears and drunks. Almost froze to death in the middle of the night....I questioned whether it was summer at this point. I got up ridiculously early the next morning, it was probably around 5AM, but that was purely for survival. I had to get up and get a fire going in order to defrost. It was July 1st, first day of fishing on the lake. Eventually everyone else got up and so began the fishing competition. It wasn't really a competition, but if it was, I totally won. I caught 11 fish that day, only a few were keepers, but it's quantity, not quality, that matters in my books.

After I won the fishing derby , we hung around the campsite, mostly drinking. I vaguely remember specific details of the camping trip beyond this point. I do remember almost always having a drink in my hand. And yes, everyone else was drinking too. In fact, everyone else started at 7AM with booze in their coffee, where I didn't start until at least after lunch. At one point I remember whittling sticks with a ridiculously sharp knife, which just goes to show that drunk people, combined with other drunk people with knives, can be volatile combination. Hope was only an hour away...

On the Saturday, three of us decided to hike up to Hozomeen Lake, which sounded like a great idea when you look at pictures, see below:The trail is just under 7km each way. On the way up, it seemed like a pretty decent hike. Mild inclines, relatively clear trails. We got to the top feeling rather proud of ourselves. The way back down was a bit of a different story. The first bit seemed fine, I was even racing with the dog at certain parts, but after the 3rd KM, it was like the energy was sucked right out of my body. I always thought downhill was the easy part, apparently I was wrong. By the time we got back to the camp, my feet were killing me and I was exhausted. Actually, we were all exhausted. For some reason, we had forgotten that before the trail even starts, there's a 2km stretch along a gravel road. At the end of the day, we had hiked close to 17km. Not much else happened that day, some people went swimming. I was not part of that group. The temperature of the water was perfect, if you're a trout who enjoys glacier fed waters. I gave up my days of polar bear swimming many years ago and have no plans on revisiting.

After much more fishing and drinking, the camping trip was over and it was time to head back to the real world. I have discovered that I love camping, especially the fishing and will definitely be doing more of it.

Here's a list of things I've learned about camping:

1. There is no Blair Witch at Ross Lake
2. Some outhouses are not as horrible as you think
3. Corn Beef hash tastes better when cooked on a propane stove and served on a paper plate
4. It's never too early to wake up someone to go fishing
5. The water is always colder than it looks
   
6. Don't put chocolate bars in the cooler
7. You can live without your cellphone for up to 4 days
8. Don't walk by the fire when you have been drinking
9. It doesn't matter how old you are, catching frogs is always fun
10. And finally, Vodka tastes good in anything...

One day I may post pictures, but don't hold your breath....


~ Bean

Bean

June 6th, 2010

Ubud - Day 3

Today is my last full day in Ubud, and Bali for that matter. Girai picked me up at 9AM, as planned on her scooter. I was a little apprehensive at first about jumping on the back of the small bike, but figured what was the worst that could happen? We toured through the rice paddies for what seemed like hours. There was some amazing scenery. Sometimes it felt like the terraces went on forever. I took some cool shots of some pretty extensive ones, eventually I'll get around to posting them.

We also visited a place called the Elephant Cave, but I felt no need to go inside, as it looked small and cramped. Outside, the rock face was carved into some pretty cool designs. It was a pretty crowded area, so I didn't stick around long. I wandered into the nearby forest and found some Banyan Trees, which have the coolest root structure. I took a few artsy pictures and wandered along the path for a while, but didn't find anything too interesting.

After vacating the crowds, I headed to the Ubud Market, to more crowds. It was so busy, wall to wall stands and people. Lots of tourists, lots of souvenirs. It always seems like there are lots of souvenirs for women and not so many for men. I spent a few hours wandering the stalls and picking out Sarongs for people, but the heat was killing me. I took off with my goodies and headed for the pool.

Finally, I ventured into the Sacred Monkey Forest. It was the best part of my entire trip. That might be an exaggeration, but honestly, there were monkeys. Lots of them. How could anything compare? I was taking pictures on a young one and I felt a tug on my backpack. Next thing I saw was a little paw through the view finder of my camera. They seemed fascinated by the lens. They could see it moving as I was focusing and zooming in, which worked in my favour, because I got a lot of shots of them looking right at the camera. I probably spent 3 hours solid in the forest and it's really not that big. They have guides there that spread food in the main area to bring the monkeys out in hoards. They climbed all over anyone who brought food into the forest, which freaked out most people. I just thought it was funny. As I was leaving, one climbed up my shoulders, so I had to wait until he decided that I really didn't have any food.

Tonight I went to the Kecak dance. It's a dance, with songs sung by a choir of all men that sit in a circle around a large fire. It tells a story of the Hindu epic Ramayana. The story is a little hard to follow, but thankfully they handed out brochures that explained it all. The chanting was mesmerizing. The guy sitting beside me was entirely too into it. I kind of thought he was going to get up and join in. The Kecak was only about 90 minutes, so I walked back to the hotel. I grabbed a drink at the bar, enjoyed the company of a Swedish guy I met the day before at the pool and headed to bed. I leave for Hong Kong tomorrow, back to reality, back to the grind.

This trip has been amazing. I can't wait to come back, hopefully next year!

Bean Traveling...

June 5, 2010

Ubud - Day 2

Picked up at 9am this morning and headed to the Butterfly Park. The drive was about 1.5hrs away from Ubud. It was small, but full of butterflies and other creepy sorts of bugs. I met up with Del and Tina about 15 minutes after I had arrived. There was a gazebo that housed all of the cocoons and they had a few that had just hatched that morning. There were hundreds of cocoons inside, some were almost 6" in size. These were for the Barong butterflies, which have a wing span of over 8". All of the butterflies in there were so tame. The guides placed them all over us and took pictures. We got to hold some really big ones and I think I got some great pictures. The actual gardens had several water features and was completely netted in to keep out the birds.

After the butterfly park, I headed back to Ubud. Del and Tina headed back south. We stopped at a beautiful waterfall on the way back and a couple of touristy areas, but I wasn't really interested in buying anything today. I had a late lunch and went for my massage appointment, which again was lovely. I certainly could get used to living here, except the lack of hockey might kill me.

I was planning on going souvenir shopping tomorrow, my last full day in Ubud, but the woman from the Wayan, Girai, is taking me on a motorbike tour through the rice paddies. Once she found out I had no concrete plans, she insisted. I hope we get back in time for me to go to the Monkey Forest. I can't believe I've been here for almost 2 days and I haven't been yet!


~Bean

Bean Traveling...

June 4, 2010

Ubud - Day 1

Met up with Carl and Kristin this morning, pool side. We are all leaving today, so we just lounged around and swam until my ride came at noon. As we neared Ubud, I was a bit worried because it wasn't looking terribly exciting. In fact, it looked pretty boring, lots of walls, nothing in the streets etc. Then we rounded the corner and headed down Monkey Forest Road and I was in love with Bali again! Tons of little shops lined the streets, spas, restaurants, tourists and MONKEYS! All I really needed were the monkeys to make the entire trip worth while. My hotel was right around the corner from the Sacred Monkey forest, so there were always monkeys on the property, stealing fruit from the breakfast buffet!

Del, from Whiterock, had sent me a text message that morning letting me know that they were staying in Ubud for an additional night so they wanted to meet up for dinner. I puttered around town, exploring my new surroundings. I found the spa I was looking for and booked an appointment for later that afternoon. It was glorious. $10 for a 1hr full body massage. A fantastic way to start the back half of my trip. It was so good I booked a second massage for the next day.

Del and Tina met up with me at my hotel and took me to a lovely restaurant called the Wayan Cafe. It looked like a regular cafe from the front, but the back of the restaurant was all open gardens and fountains with private pagoda's for dining. I had the Nasa Goreng Mana, which was served in a half pineapple shell. Delicious, followed by the black rice pudding. Del and Tina are heading to a butterfly garden tomorrow and unfortunately their ride is taking them back to the south of the island afterwards. One of the managers at the Wayan joined us for a while and arranged for her husband to take me there once she found out that I couldn't go. It sounded a bit sketchy at first, but I went with it, since I really wanted to see this butterfly garden.

So far, Ubud is a pretty cool place, but I do sort of miss the beaches.


~Bean

Bean Traveling...

June 3, 2010

Kuta - Day 5

Well who knew I would be such a good surfer? Not me...in fact, as we were heading towards the water I was having second thoughts about the whole surfing adventure. I haven't had the best luck in the past. We hired a local to teach us, Iwan. He met us at the beach, with all the boards, ready to go. We had a short lesson on the beach and headed into the surf. Kuta is the beginners beach for surfing. Last time I checked, beginner waves were 2'. These waves were over 6' all the time and some of them were getting up to over 8'. We started on the smaller waves, after they had broken. Amazingly enough, I got up on the first try! I shocked myself. Pretty quickly, I was building up the courage to head out deeper and deeper to the bigger waves. Carl picked it up pretty quickly too, so did Kristin. It was so much fun, but after 3 solid hours, we were pretty beat! $20 for a 3 hour lesson and the best morning yet. It was awesome.

Afterwards, we walked through Kuta, looking for a new place to eat. We found a great restaurant right off the main strip and had lunch. We browsed a few stores and headed back to the hotel to get the salt water off. Surfing really took it out of us, so we mostly lounged around the pool that afternoon, avoiding the sun as we all got a little burned that morning. That night, we went to the Green Cafe for dinner, which is attached to a very cool spa. Mango Pina Coladas and a chicken stir fry hit the spot!

Carl and Kristin are heading home tomorrow, a 38 hour journey, and I'm heading to Ubud. I've thoroughly enjoyed my time in Kuta, but am ready for a change of scenery!

~Bean

Bean Traveling...

June 2, 2010

Kuta - Day 4

Today was the best day yet! I went on another tour, met up with Del and Anna again. There were also 4 other people on the tour from my resort, so it was nice to see some familiar faces. We started out at a wood working studio. They had hundreds of pieces that were all hand carved, some of them taking months to complete. Some pieces were made from 6' logs, all one piece and totally amazing. There were figurines, wall hangings, masks and even furniture. The furniture was extremely intricate, a bit too flashy for my taste. I took some cool pictures, but didn't buy anything. I figured it would just get broken on the trip back somehow. Plus, I don't really have any need for a wood carving right now.

Next we headed to Kintamani, where we had beautiful views of Mount Batur, an active volcano, and Lake Batur. The volcano hasn't erupted in years, but I was hopeful. It was beautiful to see the landscape, it was so alive from all the vegetation. We had lunch overlooking the lake.

After lunch, we headed to a coffee and cacao plantation. They had Luwak's in cages inside the grounds. These are the animals that eat the ripest coffee beans and then they are harvested from the scat afterwards. They kind of looked like big lazy ferrets. They were just laying around near the top of their cages. Walking through the grounds, we saw all sorts of spices, coffee and cacao plants. I would love to have access to these fresh ingredients all year round! We got to try all sorts of different drinks, Balinese coffee, ginger coffee, fresh hot cacao with cinnamon, ginger tea, lemon grass tea. We had the opportunity to try the Luwak coffee, but it would cost $3US, which is practically Starbuck's pricing. Not being a coffee lover, I opted out. The others were great though. The cacao was so strong!

Our last stop of the day was another Temple. It had natural fresh water springs running through it and locals would come and bathe in it to be blessed. No, there was no nudity. Everyone was bathing clothed. The water was so crystal clear. They had a giant basin that the water filtered into and it looked so refreshing and the plants growing in the water were vibrantly green. There was also a Koi pond here with some of the biggest fish I've ever scene. I'm pretty sure some of them were 15lbs at least!

That night I went out for dinner with Carl and Kristin, two Americans from the tour staying in my hotel. They are from North Carolina and were on their pre-wedding honeymoon. People seemed to really like having honeymooners on their tours, so they just went with it. We walked into Kuta and had a beer on the beach to watch the sunset. I had Nasi Goreng for dinner, which was deliciously spicy. Since I've been here, I've noticed that I enjoy spicy foods a lot more than I used to. On the way back to the hotel, we hit up an internet cafe to arrange for surfing lessons tomorrow!


~Bean

Bean Traveling...

June 1, 2010

Kuta - Day 3

Another whirlwind day. I met two new Canadians today, Del and Anna. They were originally from Jamaica and now live in Toronto. (I'm not sure I would give up Jamaica to live in Toronto) We went on a tour of Eastern Bali today. We started in a Batik village. This took me back to Pulau Tioman in Malaysia, the smell of melted wax, painting 10 metres from the beach with Shauna in 2006. The batik pieces here were much more intricate than the ones we did. I love Batik, I think it's beautiful and so unbelievably creative. I never gave myself enough time to become any good at it though. Maybe one day I will give it another shot...

The next stop was a walled city, where the houses are practically on top of each other. It's really hard to explain the feeling when you walked into the city. It was like walking into a community, if there is such a feeling. Closer than neighbours, closer to family. I dunno...it was cool. The houses all had archway/entries into their own property. Small shrines are built on the outside as well as the inside. The outer ones were usually smaller and made from bamboo. Inside the shrines were more intricate and made from stone. There were a few comforts of a modern home to be found, such as running water. They all had private gardens where they grow vegetables and small amounts of crops to sell. The house we visited had two pigs, one of which just had 6 babies. Visiting this city makes you appreciate the amount of space and privacy that we have here, but I don't know any place in Vancouver that feels quite like this community did.

We drove up Mount Agung next and visited one of the most popular and scared Temples in Bali, Besakih. We had to wear long shorts, pants or a sarong in order to be allowed to enter the temple. Within the temple grounds were smaller temples, one for each tribe in Bali. The structures were amazing, such small detail over such a large surface. We walked through the grounds listening to stories from our guide and watched a funeral procession trail through the main Temple. The view from the top was amazing. Endless rice terraces and luscious forest lined the horizon. The view was just as beautiful from the restaurant that we ate at for lunch. The vegetation here is so lush.

Lastly, we went to the Hall of Justice. Images lined the tiered ceiling depicting punishments for law breakers. They were pretty graphic and really strange. A lot of the punishments involved fire, walking in it, burning in it, burning specific body parts...apparently fire is the most favoured means of torture to use.

The day was long and hot. I laid by the pool and watched the sunset over the water before heading out in search for food. I tried black rice pudding for the first time tonight. I don't even like rice pudding, but this stuff was pretty good, surprisingly.

Eastern Bali was beautiful, it would appear that all of Bali is, so far. I can't wait to go to Kintamani tomorrow.


~Bean

Bean Traveling...

May 31st, 2010

Kuta - Day 2
I can't begin to describe how amazing today was. I went on a tour today to see "The Unforgettable Sunset". I got in the van, only to be greeted by 2 Canadians, better yet, 2 Vancouverites. Made my day to have a little taste of home. Dell and Tina have been best friends for 35 years and were celebrating their birthdays in Bali this year. I think I have a few more years, but I am already planning this trip in my head with my best friends.
We first stopped at a temple and were greeted with a sign that read "Women who are menstruating are forbidden from entering the temple." Awesome. The temple was beautiful. Hand carved statues, intricate wood carvings and bamboo works. The amount of effort that goes into some of these pieces is crazy. I can't even imagine turning rock into something other than gravel, let a lone a dragon. All over Bali, you will find 'offerings'. Each day people put out new ones, usually consisting of some flowers, fruit and rice. Very cool, but sometimes you kick them if you aren't watching where you are walking. I'm not kidding, they are everywhere.

The next stop was really the highlight of the tour. We went to a sacred monkey forest. Just from the name, how could this place not be a dream? Monkeys EVERYWHERE! =) Simon, from Slovenia, bought some peanuts and the monkeys came running. Before I even knew what was happening, I had a monkey up on my shoulders, sitting on top of my backpack. I was a little freaked out at first, because I thought she was going for my earrings, but really all she wanted was peanuts. Once she had them, she got down. Walking through the forest, we saw baby monkeys all around. Some where only a couple weeks old. All the monkeys had Mohawks, which made them look cute and evil all at the same time. Unfortunately, our stay in the forest was only an hour or two before we headed to the beach for the Sunset.

The beach we went to was located near a temple that is 0.5km off the shore when the tide comes in. There was a Holy Spring at the base of this temple, where fresh water flows. The water isn't accessible when the tide is in, luckily we were there while the tide was out. Everyone was lining up to wash their face in the Holy water and be blessed. After you wash your face, they place some rice on your forehead and a flower above your ear. I don't consider it a religious experience, just an experience. The sun was setting fast, but unfortunately it was behind the clouds. I did get some great shots of the waves pounding up the rocks and soaking people.

We got back to the resort around 9pm, too late for a dip in the pool. I walked toward Kuta until I found a small restaurant and had a late dinner. Nasa Goreng is delicious and I recommend everyone try it! I grabbed a beer at the bar on my way back to my room, chatted with some other guests and headed to bed. Tomorrow was going to be a long day.

~Bean

Bean Traveling...

In hopes that I don't have to keep regurgitating my vacation, I am starting a series of blog posts of my recent trip to Bali. One day, one post.

May 30th, 2010

Kuta - Day 1
After a week straight of meeting after meeting, I took my first vacation in a year. I arrived to two line ups of epic proportions. The first line was quick. You give the guy $25US and he gives to a receipt for the Visa you just bought. The next line was a bit of a gong show. There were probably 10 lines, with easily 50 people in each. As I've often thought, immigration in any country is no fun. Luckily I snapped my line-up unlucky streak and picked the only line with two border agents. So, I got through in about 45 minutes. My border guard was awesome. He liked me simply because I was Canadian. (And before anyone feels like commenting, yes, I know you can get a Visa before you go, I didn't have time.)
After immigration, I had to locate my bag. All the bags had been removed from the belts, as there were so many flights arriving. Oddly enough, I found my immediately, despite the fact that it's black. I recognized the wheels of all things. I had to wrestle it out of the hands of a porter though, who seemed determined to get money out of me. It didn't work. I found my ride and headed to my resort.
The place I was staying at first was a resort, so naturally it was amazing. Very private bungalows and villas, lagoon pools, swim-up bars. Naturally I hit up the pool instantly. Some friendly Aussies invited me to have some drinks with them and after 2 hours I was sufficiently drunk. I joined them on the beach to watch the sunset. Despite some renegade clouds, it was beautiful. Tomorrow I would figure out my plan for the next few days and hopefully head into Kuta to explore.

Day 1 was a bit whirlwind, but I was finally on vacation.


~Bean

She looks down. Down at his still, lifeless body. A gentle breeze blows her hair, ever so slightly, enough to see the pain pouring down her face. She falls to her knees, to his side. A shaky hand reaches out, wanting to caress his still warm face, instead it consoles her broken heart. She holds herself, falling to pieces and closes her eyes.

She opens her eyes. It's morning, 6am. The sun starting to peak through the blinds.

"I can't keep doing this," she thought to herself. She wipes the tears from her face, breathes deeply, rolls to her side. She watches his chest rise and fall, each breath deep and peaceful. The dream had not disturbed him.

The decision is made. She collects her clothes and a small box from the bedside table, filled with meaningless items to anyone else. She looks down, at his still, sleeping body, one last time before she turns and walks away, one last time. She can't lose him again, not one more time. She dies each time, awakens to know it will happen and she can't keep going.

To not lose him, she lets him go. It breaks her heart, tears her up inside, but she is comforted knowing that he will never be taken from her again.

Word

neck·ces·so·ry /ækˈsɛsəri/ Show Spelled [nek-ses-uh-ree] noun

1. an article or set of articles of dress, like a scarf, that adds completeness, convenience, attractiveness, etc., to one's basic outfit, worn around or near the neck

This might be the best word invention I've ever had. That's right, I'm taking credit for it. It came up in a conversation regarding the appropriate attire for penguins. You could ask, but do you really want to know?

I forgot to use my new word in a sentence, you know, like spellers always ask for, so here goes:

Q: "Do you think Penguins would wear bowties or just regular ties?"
A: "No, no, no, Penguins are cool enough without a neckcessary! Seriously, think about it!"

Ok, that's 3 sentences, but I really felt that it needed them.

~Bean

Thought:

With the right story telling, you will always be the villain in someone else's movie.

When it all catches up to you...

4 countries, 2 continents and 16 hours of travel later, I returned from Sweden this Wednesday afternoon. It was a whirlwind trip, as most of my travel seems to be. I landed in Sweden on Saturday night, without my luggage. That was fun, nothing makes travel more fun that flying all day and night, only to be left with nothing to change into the next day. Luckily, a coworker of mine is the exact same size as me and brought me some extra clothes. My luggage did arrive eventually, on Monday evening, just in time for me to leave Tuesday night. At least I got to look good for the last day and a half of the trip.

Sweden: Far enough away to mess up the internal clock, short enough trip to not adjust fully, back in town dragging my ass through the rest of the week.

I played the last hockey game of the season on Wednesday night, I don't know where I got the energy for it. I even scored a goal on my first shift. I think I set the bar too high because I did nothing worth mentioning for the rest of the game. We lost, in OT, the championship went to the most hated team in the league, which makes it sting that much more. We got over it shortly after with pitchers of beer and a variety of pub food.

I don't think the jet lag hit me until Friday night. I was getting ready to head to the gym (I've recently take up running), and I thought I would wait out the crowd for about an hour. I made the mistake of laying down to watch some TV, then all of the sudden it was 10am the next morning. I can't remember the last time I slept for 16 hours in one night. I guess I was tired.

You would think the weekend would be the best time to relax and chill out, but while I was traveling 10,000 miles around the world, I missed 4 birthdays at work and another one this Sunday. My weekend is full of baking. Cupcakes, lemon tarts, a 40th birthday cake and a fourth dessert that I haven't figured out yet. What else could go with the other three desserts? I almost feel like I should offer a healthy treat to balance out all the sweets, but it's a birthday. There's no room for carrot sticks and broccoli next to cake and lemon tarts. That would just be weird.

On top of all the baking, I'm trying to piece together the ruins of my aunt's patio cushions in an attempt to make her new ones. I guess 'patio cushions' isn't the right description. They are really the seat cushions to a swing that she has on her patio. Having never seen what the cushions looked like before, it's hard to envision how all these pieces are supposed to go together. The really hard part to figure out was the padding. Instead of the seat portion just being one single piece of foam, it's three. One really long one and two that are half the size. The long one sandwiches the smaller ones to hold them together. Personally, I think one thick piece would have been the better way to go. In fact, it completely baffles me as why it isn't just one thick piece. Three pieces just causes me to readjust over and over again to get it all straight and flat. I will never understand why people make things so difficult....

So after a whirlwind trip, I have a whirlwind weekend. I'm aiming for next weekend to relax...

BTW - Happy May!

~Bean

The Moment...

It's 5AM, in Sweden, which is where I am. I think I have slept for a grand total of 3 hours since leaving Vancouver on Friday at 5PM. Despite how tired I feel, I can't sleep. I think it's because my baggage didn't make it. I don't like not having my stuff....

Anyways, 4:30 AM is a great time for thinking. I had this thought, that turned into an internal argument and the final result was this story:

Her soul walks into the room,
She glances his way.
Intense eyes meet hers.
Flooded with images
A walk, a dance, a journey.
A loving embrace, slowly replaced with crossed, defensive arms.
A single tear is shed, followed by the downpour.
She stares back, at her love.
Representing everything that was
And will never be.
Her heart sinks, at least whatever is left.
A moment, true clarity.
Her soul walks out of the room,
Leaving behind the shred of a man she once loved.

Is there any point to me trying to sleep now?

~Bean

All it takes...

"When you've reached the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on."

~ Thomas Jefferson

You know those times, when you've reached your breaking point and absolutely nothing could possibly make your life any worse? We've all had them. The moments when we break down and cry over the stupidest things, like dropping a box of pins or burning dinner. Maybe it's just girls who do this, boys probably just punch things.

Anyways, in this moment, what does it take to turn it all around? Does it have to be something big, like winning the lottery? (BTW - I won $10 the other day) Or can it be the smallest gesture, a smile, a pat on the back...

I'm not having a rough time, at least I don't think I am. (Now that I've said that, I am probably going to get railroaded tomorrow) But I'll admit I didn't feel like things were great. No need to get into specifics, but I just felt like something was missing. Maybe a lot of things. Probably a lot of things. Yet, I still felt stretched, doing too much in too little time (god damn Easter baking...). All I needed was to get to this weekend. Yes, it was a long weekend, but that's not what made the difference.

Once a year, a fantastic group of people trek up from Portland and we all get together and kick ass on the ice. Ok, last year we didn't kick so much ass, but this year we were awesome, to say the least. We play in a coed tournament in Coquitlam and it's a blast. I can't express how much fun I had and how refreshing it was, at least for me. And it's not the winning, or even the hockey that does it. It's the people. They make me smile, laugh, celebrate....all the things that you should do daily.

Even if we lost, it still would have been the best weekend in a long time. And that is saying a lot, because this weekend was trying! The wheel fell off my truck, luckily right by my house and not on the highway where I was headed. This was my breaking point. I pulled over, got out and saw my tire. It was angled at about 30 degrees, jammed into the wheel well. Oddly enough, I had JUST has this checked on Monday and was told that it was fine. I went into my house and just started freaking out. What if I had been on the highway? I could have died... In reality, I wasn't on the highway, so I tried not to put much thought into what could have been. Should I call a tow truck? My mechanic? My boyfriend? (oh, no, wait, single...right....damn) I called my mom. Moms always know what to do. Her thoughts were pretty in line with mine, leave it on the side of the road until other people (her and my dad) were around to help figure out what to do and take my dad's car in the mean time. By the way, as soon as I started talking to my mom, I dropped my box of pins and burst into tears. It was pretty pathetic. Once I recovered, I moved my gear into my dad's car.

Now the fun thing with my dad's car is that there is only one FOB to disarm the alarm system. Naturally, he took it with him to the island. So, my options were to either not lock the car, or deal with the alarm until I could manually shut it off, once inside the car. I went with option B, because I felt that facing the embarrassment of my alarm going off was a far cheaper price to pay than buying my dad a new GPS system and probably some other stuff he has hidden in his car. Luckily, I didn't have to experience this too often, I think 4 times in total.

So, the car problem was pretty much solved, so, as traumatized as I was, I was feeling a bit better. Off to hockey I go, only to get hit by a train. Not a real train, but some jerk on the ice who thought there was a Stanley Cup at the end of this tournament. I, or rather he, rattled my brains a little. I went into the boards, fairly awkwardly, smacked my head first, then my shoulder and hip. Put my new helmet to the test, I'd say that it works well enough. It took me a moment to get my head on straight, get up and skate to the bench, where I almost dropped my pins again. I don't like it when I get hurt and on my count, that was two near death experiences in one day.

I reached my breaking point around noon on Saturday with my phone call break down to my mother, but by the end of the first game, I felt on top of the world again. A dazed, spinning world, but I was still on top of it. We won our game, that jerk got a penalty, and I got free potato skins! The next game was a nail biter, but I scored a freakishly good goal with 2 minutes left to put us into the lead and the finals. It was awesome, or so I am told, I didn't even see it go in. I actually heard it hit the post and automatically assumed it didn't go it. Oh yeah, and then I won a bamboo blanket for being the game MVP.

In the beginning....worst day ever. In the end.....best day ever. What turned it around? The hug I was greeted with at the rink. A small, tiny gesture that turned my world right side up. That's all it took. And that's all I could ask for at that moment. Just a hug. The smiles I got later also helped and the free potato skins, but it all started with the hug.

Maybe if everyday was filled with laughter, smiles, hugs and celebrating the small things, we wouldn't get to the breaking point so easily. What does the end of the rope do when you are not hanging onto it?

~Bean

Do We Ever Recover From Our Tragedies?

The worst moments in our lives....are we ever really over them?

Think back to what you consider the worst thing that has ever happened to you? Do you remember how you felt? More importantly, do you know how it affected you? How did it change you?

Physical pain is often forgotten. Of course you remember that it hurt and that it made you wince and cry out in agony, but the actual memory of the pain is minimal. This is kind of trauma that doesn't mess with your head.

Mental agony, I think, stays with you forever. It fades over time, but all it takes is a trigger to bring it all back, as if it happened yesterday. This is the kind of pain that stays with you forever.

And how does tragedy shape our future? I think everyone can agree that the past is what brought you to where you are. Everything that has happened to you has made you into the person you are today. Cliche, yes. But it's true. I think this is why all time travel movies warn the character not to change anything. Messing with your past does nothing but bad things for your future.
Anyway, I've been giving it some thought lately, scattered thought at least. It's hard to gauge what 'could have been' without knowing 'what could have been'. Does that make any sense? I guess I wonder how different one's life could be if a certain tragedy had never happened. And to what degree does it change the course of our lives.

I don't really know what I'm getting at, it was more or less just a thought. I'd like to think that when something bad happens, it hurts, you grieve (for however long needed) and then you grow from it. We never necessarily let go of what happened, but we get over it, in the best cases. I don't want to forget what has happened, and I hope that it makes me better in the future.

I posed this question to a friend, and his response was:

"My belief is that the past, present and future are like this....events in our life, are what create our beliefs about us and the world around us. Thus our beliefs affect what we "choose" for our present, and those "choices" create our future. So, as in the event of being hurt in a relationship, we create a belief. If I love, I can be hurt, and I don't want to hurt again, so the we put up walls. Therefore, our future has less love in it. Every event, tragic or not shapes what we believe. What we believe shapes what choose, and what we choose, unveils our future."

He is a very wise friend. =)

So, what do you take from tragedy? Take the thoughts, the experience, the love and the pain and turn it into something better.

~Bean

I'm still not a photographer...

It's a good thing my camera is so good at taking pictures!

Do you ever wonder if technology is making us all good at everything? Advances in technology opens up more doors to everyone. Anyone with a camera can take an amazing shot. If it isn't amazing right away, then you can download a program to turn it into something better than it was before. I'm not a photographer. I own a camera and like to play around with different settings. Every once in a while I snap something cool. When I don't, I turn it into something cool, like the shot above. Seriously...before the post work, I was flesh toned in that picture!

Kids are getting smarter younger, athletes are faster and stronger. So much pressure to do things better than the last. Remember when there were less than 30 channels, no one under 35 had a cell phone and the only time you used a computer was to write some god awful school report and it printed on a dot matrix printer? Ahh....those were the days... Now there are over 500 channels (and still nothing to watch), it's practically a crime if someone can't get a hold of you at any given moment and ink jet printers are minimum standard.

I can't complain about technology. If it weren't for technology, I'd just be muttering to myself most of the time, rather than writing on here. I'm pretty sure my job would be a lot lamer and I would have to rely on my own imagination way more. =)

Can we live without technology now? Has it made us weaker or stronger?


~Bean

Lao Tzu is my Hero...

A Sport I Never Thought I Would Try...

It came up the other day at work. The Luge.

For some reason, hurling myself down an ice track, laying down on a sled was never something I felt I had to do in my life. Call me crazy, but it just seems slightly crazy and unreasonably dangerous. Ok, super crazy. These guys fly down the track at speeds up to 130km/hr and all they are wearing is a helmet. Let's just compare this to hockey, a much slower sport.

130km/hr = 1 Helmet

25km/hr in hockey = Helmet, shoulder pads, elbow pads, gloves, pants, shin pads

I can only assume that professional hockey players, on average, are going about 25km an hour. In this case, we can assume they are on a 'rush'. I guess one would have to consider the fact that there is no one on the luge track trying to smash you into a wall, but only a helmet for protection still seems unsafe. And we don't even need to touch on Skeleton racers, who go head first...

So as I was discussing the finer points of luging, (and by finer I mean scarier), I was shocked to find out that guy I was talking to had been down the Calgary luge track almost 75 times. Just for fun, not for sport and he's about 60 years old! Apparently the luge can be a hobby. And you don't need a sled, you can use a crazy carpet. Suddenly the luge track doesn't seem too scary, maybe once the Olympics are gone and the craziness stops I can give it a try. On the crazy carpet of course and only with the thin foam sheet at the end of the course which screams safety measures! If I were designing the track, I would have a giant foam pit at the end of the track, like the ones gymnasts use. The foam sheet just looks like a pathetic afterthought.

As I am writing this, I just saw the Canadian Men's 2-man Bobsled overturn near the end of the run. Boo.


~Bean

My God I Love This Game...

Hockey is it for me. I don't think I love anything more than hockey (wink). Playing it, watching it, talking about it. It's never a bad time for hockey. Oh wait....except during the Olympics when games are scheduled in the middle of the day.... Sure, not all the games are in the middle of the day. I am going to one a 9PM at night! Still, better than in the middle of the day when I'm at work.

So, Canada's Women's Team is 2-0 with wins over Slovakia and Switzerland. The win over Slovakia was a complete blow out, 18-0. Actually, the 10-1 win over Switzerland was pretty much a blowout too. I felt back for the Slovakians, until I found out that in one of their Olympic Qualifying games, they blew out Bulgaria 82-0. That's averaging 27 goals a period. Did Bulgaria even show up? 139 shots on net...I think the only Bulgarian to touch the puck was the goalie, as she was being pelted with it repeatedly. Average shots on net per game for the NHL is about 27. Kudos to the her.

Right now, the Men's team is playing their first game and they are giving the Norwegians a good ol' fashion ass kicking. Should I feel torn, working for a Norwegian based company? Nope, totally not, but that might be because I often feel the need to give Norwegians a good ol' fashioned ass kicking. Not all of them, just a select few... See, that's not very nice of me. I shouldn't have such feelings of angst towards people. It must be the hockey player in my blood...

Final score: Canada 8 Norway 0. Awesome. This is the only time I will cheer for Iginla...

Up next, Switzerland.

~Bean

Why Do I Do It To Myself?

I am a glutton for punishment...

I decided yesterday that I need to be more active. Hockey twice a week isn't enough. I used to go to the gym, by now my gym is 30km away, give or take a few km. That's a bit far for 45 minutes. I could check out the other locations for something closer, but I hate new gyms. The people are different, the layout is strange, I'm not used to the noises. And they always smell different, but I attribute that to the different people. Everyone stinks in their own way, especially at the gym.

Anyways, I decided to start doing Pilates and what better way to start than on YouTube. By better I mean cheaper. I took a "Yoga-lates" class once and yes, it was just as weird as it sounds. It was a Yoga Pilates combination class. I found there was way too much Yoga and not enough "-Lates". Too much breathing and posing, not enough movement. I like to move when I exercise. To me, yoga is all about stretching, posing, breathing and relaxing. Clearly it works for a lot of people, but not for me. I guess I'm more aggressive in my approach to staying fit, hence the hockey twice a week.

So anyway, back to YouTube. I found a series of beginner Pilates classes. Nothing terribly strenuous, but a good 20 minute workout. There was a lot of focus on the "core" and lifting through your ribs. Based on how I feel today, my ribs have never done any heavy lifting in my life! 20 minutes! And it wasn't 20 minutes of straight sit ups or anything! The exercises seemed pretty basic, a few crunches (but they weren't called crunches), leg lifts and table tops and of course, a few hundreds. I felt good, just like I do after a good workout at the gym. Felt the burn a little, but nothing like a hockey game or even two!

Today, it hurt to cough. My abs (and ribs) are so sore! I feel the same way I did after I got tricked into taking a Cardio Kick Boxing Class. Of course the kick boxing was more of an all over pain, but these sore abs definitely feel familiar. Needless to say, I have a whole new respect for the world of Pilates. Those girls are hardcore...

Second night was a little tougher. My "core" is tender and the pelvic tilts were a little excruciating. Still felt good, especially when it was over. Thank god I have hockey tomorrow night, it will give me some time to recover!

I'm hoping YouTube will keep the videos coming until I find a one that I can use daily. To be brutally honest, I'm mostly looking forward to the wicked abs and toned thighs. I think this will be a great way to get into shape for the martial arts classes I want to take. In Pilates, I'm learning to work my core. In martial arts, I hope to learn how to break plywood and bricks with my bare hands. I love exercise!

~Bean

Oh...it's going to be one of THOSE days....

You know, those days you wake up in a fuzz and feel a little like you're floating between sleep and consciousness. That's where I am. Nothing really makes a lot of sense, but nothing seems crazy or out of the ordinary either. It's like a dream. I can't concentrate because I'm focusing too much on making sure my eyes stay open. It's a losing battle...

Driving back from the store at lunch today, listening to a story, I was sort of staring off into space because I was too tired to focus my eyes. Then I saw it. A horse, walking down the sidewalk on 84th Avenue. My jaw dropped...just in time to see that it was a gardener, carrying a giant tarp of lawn trimmings and branches. My eyes are playing tricks on me...this is an interesting tactic.

The sun started to come out as we continued down the hill. As we approached the overpass, I saw an airplane driving over it, right along side regular traffic. I rationalized that a semi must be transporting the plane to the airport. In reality, it was just three semi's and the sun was casting misleading shadows. My eyes are winning...

During some regular office banter, the local news was brought up. There was a search in the area for a body. I hadn't heard this story, but as I was being told the details, I started to get worried and stressed out, almost like I was being overwhelmed by guilt and fear of getting caught. Strange, since I don't remember committing any crime, let alone a crime involving the disposal of a body. It was a strange sensation and it can only mean one of two things. Either I am watching too much Dexter or my mind is now ganging up on me with my eyes. My battle just got harder...

So here I sit, on my lunch break, hoping to get through the day. I foresee an evening nap on the couch in my future, my life is just that exciting! I shouldn't say that, I had a very full weekend of cooking dinners for people. Sounds weird, but I live for it. I think I might just resurrect bimonthly dinner parties. I just need a house to use as a host venue....any takers?

My head just came out of the fog a bit, but only to focus on the menu. Tuna Tartar Amuse-Bouche, Shaved Almond and Goat Cheese Spinach Salad, Pan Seared Beef Tenderloin with Onion Crisps, Asparagus served on a bed of Scalloped Potatoes..... Dessert is the tough one....either a blueberry creme brulee or raspberry chocolate pots...yum!

Now that the menu is done, back to the fog.....back to work....


~Bean



~Bean

Into the depths of Surrey...

It sounds a whole lot worse than it actually is. House sitting at my aunt's house in SOUTH Surrey. South Surrey is often confused with Whiterock, but only by the people that live here. Not all the people, just those who live in denial.

It's quiet out here....almost like I'm living in a retirement colony. I have yet to see anyone in the streets, granted I've only been here a few hours today. The past few weeks have been exhausting. I'm so glad it's Friday. I was supposed to go out tonight, but the second I sat down on the couch, I knew it wasn't happening. A night to myself isn't such a bad thing. I edited some pictures, answered some emails and now I am here, letting it all out. When I first got here, I couldn't remember the password for the wireless and panicked for a while. I even went as far as to email my aunt, in Palms Springs, from my phone. I can't imagine what I would do without internet access out here. Is that sad? Or is that Surrey? =) As you can see, I found the password. As soon as I did, I clearly remember my aunt telling me it would be there...

Tomorrow I will explore this neighbourhood. I've decided it would be handy to find, at the very least, a grocery store. I don't think I can survive on the Grape Crush and mini pizzas my aunt stocks for her grand kids. I did try a Grape Crush though...I got three sips in and decided that it was just not meant to be ingested. I should probably locate the mailbox too, since I haven't brought in any mail for about a week. It's strange not getting mail delivered to the door. I've never experienced having to walk to a central mailbox to pick up my mail. This must be a suburb thing.

The house has a pretty open and in the middle of this floor plan is an old clock, like a small grandfather clock. It hangs on the wall and every 15 minutes, it rings. On the hour, it chimes once for every hour. At first, I thought the doorbell was ringing. Within the first hour, I was looking for the off switch. Couldn't find one, so I thought maybe I would be able to live with it. It's still hanging on the wall, intact. The battery is sitting on the shelf below it. Apparently I'm not as tolerant as I thought.

So here I sit, in front of the fire, with my feet up, watching people get shot down on "Shark Tank". I feel bad for them, but at the same time, the ideas they come up with are a bit weird. It's not only amazing what people will buy, but also what people think will sell. I don't think anything will be the next "Lego", but I also never would have thought to "Send a Ball" to anyone in place of a card (or email for that matter). Kudos to their ideas and guts....I wouldn't be able to do it.

Well, I'm going back to my show....maybe Dexter is on somewhere....


~Bean

The Effects of Frequent Flying...

I feel like I've been on a red eye for the last 4 weeks. I've spent more time in hotels than my own home and have used a suitcase more often than my dresser. Where there used to be a toilet is now just the bare plumbing and the laminate has been replaced with cement foundation....I guess we decided to renovate while I was away. The cat condo, which I recently broke my toe on, has been moved to a location of high traffic and it makes me feel uneasy in it's new spot. I got home last night and didn't recognize the clothes in the drawer because I hadn't seen them in so long. When I first got to my room, I noticed a towel on my bed. I couldn't remember if I had put it there and if I hadn't, who did and what were they doing?

This is one of the many effects of frequent flying. Don't get me wrong, I like travel. To travel on the company's buck is a great way to see the world. But sometimes it seems like I spend all my time at home catching up to the rest of this world, the home life. It doesn't stop because I can't be here. Life goes on and it goes on without me.

It sounds a little dark, maybe a tad depressing, but at least it's honest. I haven't had a day off in 3 weeks because of trade shows. Exhausting trade shows. I sat through a phone conference today and the only thing I contributed was a yawn every minute or so. I did get a lot of work completed, but I have to admit I found myself just staring at my computer screen a few times and wasn't really sure how long that had been going on. Is that sleeping with my eyes open? I think they were really wide open too....like my eyelids had given up. It probably would have looked weird if someone had walked in.

I started writing this two days ago, thought I might have something more to add to it or end on some great insight. It looks like I'm tapped out on words of wisdom for now.

I just caught myself staring again...my eyeballs are dry.

~Bean

I am standing in a room.
A room full of doors.
Everyone know what they need to do when they get here.
Each door is a choice, a path; never a right answer, never a wrong decision, always an adventure.
Sometimes I can see the path others take, see how I would do it differently, but ultimately know I can't follow.
The path I choose must be my own; clear of conscious debate, advice and research. This path can only be lead by the heart.
Your heart will never lead you down the wrong path. It will take you on a journey so that you gain an experience that will change you, teach you and make you grow.
Lessons of life are tough; lessons of love are tougher.
But remember, it's always a lesson, never a mistake.


~Bean

Rantings of an unsettled soul....

I've lost my way and I can't find my map....

I'm tired.....tired of being disappointed, let down and led astray....

I once told someone to be thankful for the people, places and things that inspire you to be more, to do more and make your life everything you want it to be. Appreciate your nouns, right?

Well, I need my nouns.....I lost them in the scramble....



~Bean